BYE JANUARY & A Plot Twist I Did NOT See Coming
Or: How I Keep Thinking I’m Back On Track, Then...
Hi, hello, how are you? 👋
It’s February, which means two things:
We survived January. Barely.
It’s my birthday month. 🎉
Last year, I turned 40 and went all out - a big planned day, meet-ups with friends throughout the month, a whole “this is a milestone, let’s make it count” energy. This year? It’s low-key. No outsized plans, no month-long celebrations. I’m just… embracing whatever February wants to be.
There’s something about a birthday month that makes time feel both significant and completely arbitrary. It’s just another month… but it’s also a marker - a checkpoint in the year that comes with its own questions. Am I where I thought I’d be? Some years, I lean into it. Other years, I let it sit in the background, like a song playing distantly in another room. I’m not sure which it’ll be this year. Compared to January, February moves quickly. I think, right now, I’m happy to just move with it.
Even Paradise Comes With A Twist
One of the last things I watched in January was Paradise on Disney+ (the new Dan Fogelman show with James Marsden and Sterling K. Brown). The end of the first episode made me say… “What?” loud enough that Sam laughed in the other room. (He’d already watched it and was waiting for my reaction…)
I won’t spoil it (yet). But if you’ve seen the pilot, you know. If you haven’t, go in with as little knowledge as possible.
I was expecting something familiar – well-acted, shiny, probably highly emotional (it’s created by This Is Us’s Dan Fogelman). Most of it, I was right about. But, at the very end, my forehead was fully wrinkled at the sheer audacity of the reveal.
And honestly? That’s a little how life has felt lately.
☀️ One moment: thriving, fully in control of my destiny.
🛋 The next: exhausted, under the covers, considering the logistics of never moving again.
Instead of forcing myself into feeling “better”, I’ve been letting myself sit with it for a bit. Not because I’m suddenly very evolved. But pretending I was fine when I wasn’t made me more tired.
So, I’ve been doing what any reasonable person would do in these moments:
❤️ Hanging out with Sam.
☕ Caffeinating.
📝 Ticking the must-dos off my to-do list.
😴 Getting some more sleep.
And here’s where I’d love to say, “And then I feel better!” But… not always. Sometimes. I guess I just feel slightly less chaotic. Which is enough. We move forward.
Your Turn:
Did January feel insanely long to you too? Are you treating February as your real fresh start? And please tell me you’ve watched Paradise so we can scream about it together.
✨ Thanks for reading. If this resonates, reply, share, or just embrace the chaos with me. At least we’re in it together. Fluctuating wildly, sure, but together.
With love (and no consistent energy levels),
Beth x